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Coachella Madness and Drinking to-dos

May 1, 2017

Coachella. The festival I'm fairly sure 90% of attendees go to solely to up their Instagram game. Isn't that why any of us do anything these days? 

There's a lot one needs to consider before jumping head first into Coachella. First off, outfits have to be on point. Second, you have to ask yourself if you REALLY want to expose yourself to both the extreme desert heat and the other festival goers. But the most important aspect to consider is....how am I going to successfully drink, but not die, at Coachella?! Allow me to guide you, and I promise you will be classy beer drinking your way through. 

 As a side note, I destroyed myself on Day 1 by underestimating the heat, dehydration, and bathrooms from hell, so my shuttle bus pre-game was a bust. I recommend against this, unless you want to be the person trying to kick down the door to a locked charter bus toilet. 

 

So, on the second day, I finally made it over to one of the many beer gardens on the grounds. One thing to note that I still get heated about is the ONLY beer selection at these beer gardens is Heineken, Heineken Light, and Dos Equis. I'm a picky little biatch, so I drank it but fussed the entire duration. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

 

On the final day, I finally got my life together and made it to the single greatest drinking spot at Coachella. Well, aside from the VIP areas but as festival riff raff, I can't speak to that. But what I can speak to is....the craft beer.

 The Craft Beer Barn has it all. It's filled with taps from microbreweries that aren't just local to Southern California, but come from around the country. Even saw an appearance from our hometown staple, Wicked Weed. 

 

I tried three beers here but wish I had never bothered with a Dos Equis out of desperation and had made my way here instead. Below are what I was able to get my hands on:

 

1. Urban Farmhouse Saison (The Commons Brewery, Portland OR)

This was refreshing and beyond perfection in the heat. Slightly hoppier than I expected from a saison, which could be because I'm dumb, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Hell, it may have been the worst craft beer ever made and I still would have appreciated it. But I am going to stick to my guns here and give this a thumbs up for being so light and crisp and perfect for the desert heat.  

 2. Milk Stout (Left Hand Brewing, Longmont CO)

This is great. What's not to love about a stout? Unless of course you hate stouts, thus proving I will never trust you. This was a super well blended stout with perfect coffee notes. However, I would not recommend a stout as a refreshing beer when it's 100 degrees outside. If you're indoors in the AC then hell yeah, get this immediately. 

 

3. Apricot Wheat (Wiens Brewing, Temecula CA)

Holy shit y'all. This is the gift you want to give yourself after three long days at a festival. This is on another level of light and refreshing, while not being overly sweet. If you're human, you're going to love this. Although, my fascination could of course be due to the fact I am the only person I know who regularly buys apricots.... Regardless, get on it. 

Tragically, I did not get my grimy hands on all the craft beer. I have learned the error in my ways and will be armed and ready to never drink a Dos Equis again. Although for next year....I'm thinking of embracing my roots and heading to Stagecoach, where I am comforted in knowing there will be plenty more craft beer to save me (and hopefully Shania Twain). 

 

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